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Message |
     007
Member
Username: 007
Post Number: 186
Registered: 05-2005Rating: N/A
Votes: 0
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| | Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 01:34 pm: |  
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Make sure to read the text first.
Your wife decides to go out with her friends
drinking and dancing....
You're okay with it, because you get to watch
sports all night....
You hear her stumble into bed around 4 and laugh
knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up the next morning and go outside to the
family Volvo, which she used last night....
You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....
You circle the car looking for dents and find none....
But. Wait a minute!!!???
No.
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007
Member
Username: 007
Post Number: 187
Registered: 05-2005Rating: N/A
Votes: 0
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| | Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 01:50 pm: |
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An Affair.
A woman is having an affair during the day while
her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them
and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her
lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy
is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks"
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine"
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your
friends like that.... that is way more than those two
things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make
you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
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zoso
Member
Username: zoso
Post Number: 85
Registered: 10-2003Rating: N/A
Votes: 0
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| | Thursday, September 29, 2005 - 11:10 pm: |
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Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mable: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mable: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude goes into her local drugstore and
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't really matter son, as long as it'll fit on a Camel."
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007
Member
Username: 007
Post Number: 188
Registered: 05-2005Rating: N/A
Votes: 0
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| | Friday, September 30, 2005 - 08:01 pm: |
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An oldie but a goodie-
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they have requested an audience, and as they are THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope.
Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"
Dopey asks, "Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them.
Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?". The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Dopey turns back and says, "Your extreme holiness! Are there ANY dwarf nuns any where in the world?"
After consulting with his advisors, the Pope responds, "I'm sorry my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.”
The other dwarfs collapse in a heap, rolling, laughing and pounding the floor, tears streaming down their cheeks as they begin chanting....................
"Dopey shagged a penguin!"
"Dopey shagged a penguin!"
"Dopey shagged a penguin!"
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007
Member
Username: 007
Post Number: 189
Registered: 05-2005Rating: N/A
Votes: 0
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| | Friday, September 30, 2005 - 08:15 pm: |
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For all my normal friends!!!
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "after we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub"
Here are the choices: Would you use the spoon? The teacup? The bucket?
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."
Noooooo," answered the Director, looking at the visitor with new interest.
******************scroll down******************
"A normal person would pull the plug".
(You are not required to tell anyone what YOUR answer was.)
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