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Joke of the day 2010

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hershy
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Username: hershy

Post Number: 2949
Registered: 10-2002

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Friday, January 08, 2010 - 05:11 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



.


I've been on my cruise ship for 3 days and have not left my cabin yet. There are two doors in my cabin. One leads to the bathroom and the other has a sign on the door knob that says "Do not disturb".

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Sunday, January 17, 2010 - 01:38 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Five rules for men to follow for a happy life

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other


Signed

Tiger Woods









If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Tuesday, January 19, 2010 - 05:43 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Subject: How to attract a man



Ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes.
That's why it's so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied.

Remember, if it weren't for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn't get a second look from most guys . . .

















If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Username: hershy

Post Number: 3009
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Wednesday, January 20, 2010 - 06:47 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known necking spot.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly
glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer
magazine.. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat,
knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the
car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a
magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back
seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover
sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone,
in a car, at night in a Lover's lane... and nothing obscene
is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"

The young man says "I'm 22, sir."

The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll
be 18 in 11 minutes.


Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Thursday, January 21, 2010 - 09:32 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Latest RAAF weaponry on show.




Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Post Number: 3018
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Thursday, January 21, 2010 - 09:34 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



We're bringing back the "Australian Light Horse Brigade"




Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Thursday, January 21, 2010 - 09:35 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Motorised infantry.




Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Thursday, January 21, 2010 - 09:37 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



The new flight squadron.




Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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brigandchief
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Username: brigandchief

Post Number: 2
Registered: 01-2010

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Friday, January 22, 2010 - 08:47 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



What a great way to get your own back on a mugger!

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,


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brigandchief
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Friday, January 22, 2010 - 08:49 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Old Timers Sex

This is too funny to be dirty - enjoy!

The husband leans over and asks his wife,

'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?

We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.'

'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?'

'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation

and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.

So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks..

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence..

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in...

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen.

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises

and moaning and screaming.

Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed.

He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering,

the old couple struggles to their feet and puts their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself,

this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them,

'Excuse me, but that was something else.

You must've had a fantastic sex life together.

Is there some sort of secret to this?'

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
'Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence


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hershy
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Saturday, January 30, 2010 - 06:04 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding

hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat
silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's about time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek
and then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed,
then the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee
cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds,
and then
he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she

again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its aboot time you let me pewt ma
hand on yer leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee, and then
he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the
girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said,
"My thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began
to blush, and bit
her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. And he said, "Din'na
ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"


Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Post Number: 3076
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Friday, February 05, 2010 - 08:28 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care...

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.


Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Sunday, February 07, 2010 - 06:14 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



A scottish labourer gets a bonus in his pay packet on Friday so he goes home and says to his wife :

"I got money. What yer wantin' fer your supper ?"

The wife says" "Fish and chips"

The man the turns to his older son and ask him :

"I got money. What yer wantin' fer your supper ?"

The lad replies:

" I want f*ck#n' fish too"

Hearing the answer the man punches the lad, takes of his belt and proceeds to belt the lad till he is black and blue and covered in welts.

He then turns to his younger son and asks him:

"I got money. What yer wantin' fer your supper ?"

The lad replies;

"Not f*ck#n' fish, tha's fer sure !"


Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Sunday, February 07, 2010 - 06:57 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)






Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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happysam
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Post Number: 50
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Thursday, February 11, 2010 - 12:41 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



REINCARNATION

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and True to his word he made contact, 'Flo, Flo'

'Is that you, Fred?'

'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'

'What's it like?'

'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice.
I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course Again.. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.'

'Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.'

'Not exactly, I'm a rabbit in Mildura.'


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cat_lady
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Monday, February 15, 2010 - 04:09 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



and that's how the fight started....

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as

a Christmas gift..



The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.



When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"



And that's how the fight started.....



================



My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were

in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'



'No,' she answered.



I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'



She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'



So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'



And that's when the fight started....



================



I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.



Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.





















I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold

cream.



And that's when the fight started......



================



I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first..



'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'



He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'



'Nah, she can order for herself..'



And that's when the fight started.....



================



My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the

channels.



She asked, 'What's on TV?'



I said, 'Dust.'



And then the fight started...



=====================



My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and

she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at

a nearby table.



I asked her, 'Do you know him?'



'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend...I understand he took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he

hasn't been sober since.'



'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that

long?'



And then the fight started...



================



I rear-ended a car this morning.. So, there we were alongside the road

and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes

you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?



Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!



He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT

HAPPY!'



So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'



And then the fight started...



================



SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST...





THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf, Always something

more important to me..



Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived

home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away

with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.



I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was

gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the

driveway.'





The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.


Without my morning coffee I might as well be a dog

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hershy
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Tuesday, February 16, 2010 - 07:22 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday.
She said she wanted something that goes from zero to 100 in a flash.
I bought her a set of scales.
The doctors say they will take the full body plaster cast off me in three months but they don't know if I will ever walk again.

Cat Lady, how nice to see you grace these pages. I was getting lonely here and now I have female company.
Wooohooo !!!!


Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Tuesday, February 16, 2010 - 07:28 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.

The doctor said, 'Well, you need three things from a Do It Yourself shop.

A can of red paint, a can of blue paint... And a shovel.'

Paddy asked, 'And what do I do with these, doc?'

The doc replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.

If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw", you hit her with the shovel.'


Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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gdd3
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Wednesday, February 24, 2010 - 03:39 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Slims Secret to Weight Loss!

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The
sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the
next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs
himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5kg as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that
reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually
getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers
that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and
calls the company to order the 7-day/25kg program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a
huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes
and a sign around his neck that reads, "YooHoo ... If I catch you, you
are mine."

He lost 33 kilos that week.


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breaker_1
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Thursday, February 25, 2010 - 06:22 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Same Sex marriage

Fred and Larry got married in California.
They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first married night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet.
She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,
'Are Fred and Larry up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...... I gave him my airplane glue.'



When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell





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hershy
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Thursday, February 25, 2010 - 06:31 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



I found a local prostitute who charges by the inch.

Obviously, I can't afford her. If any one knows Charles aka the Captain's email address, could you let him know.
I thought he might enjoy a cheap night out.




Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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gdd3
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Friday, February 26, 2010 - 10:14 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Nice one, Hershy, but not that fair since C.C. is not around to respond to your 'small' joke.

Speaking of charging by the inch, your local prostitute obviously misinformed you...she was referring to the length of her legs when responding to your "how much?"


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hershy
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Friday, February 26, 2010 - 05:52 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



What can I say Dolphin ?
Gone, but not forgotten !
What nicer epitaph than that can a man have ?






Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks

http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Wednesday, March 24, 2010 - 08:31 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



I don't have time to read any of the posts, just to post a "funny" !




'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.'
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Monday, April 05, 2010 - 06:22 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



NEW NIKE SHOES ENDORSED BY TIGER




"Getting angry is like taking a small dose of slow-acting poison,"
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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gdd3
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Hershy,

Can't make up my mind which NICE(whoops...Nike) pair I like the best...Ice blue, Sky blue or Jimmy Cricket green?

Q. "....what does your wife say about you posting such a photo or is this of her?"

My apologies to all our female and (Thai) Khatoi members we have here.


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hershy
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Thursday, April 08, 2010 - 08:37 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Dolphin,
My wife ?
She would never, ever, ever pose for or allow a photo to be taken of her wearing Nikes.
Prada ?
D & G ?
Maybe, but never Nike !
But I can dream...........


"Getting angry is like taking a small dose of slow-acting poison,"
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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colin_twiggs
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Wednesday, April 21, 2010 - 04:47 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Washington Post Cartoon: Chris Dodd and financial regulations


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gdd3
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Monday, May 10, 2010 - 07:28 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



A semi-retired economist applying for a job at a Queensland lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this; have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"



Yes he replied: "I've been divorced three times and I voted for Rudd!"


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gdd3
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010 - 01:11 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



The Pope and Kevin Rudd.

The Pope and Kevin Rudd are on the same stage in front
of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Kevin Rudd and said, "Do you know
that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd
go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go
deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Rudd said "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your
hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded him.


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whiteowl
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Thursday, May 20, 2010 - 12:46 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Hi Hershy and Dolphin

I am experiencing IC posting failures and will try a post here
Hey do you need to key in Username and Password now for every post ?
Seems So .. I just got past Jail .. So

When Insults Had Class


These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.





The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poisoned tea."
He answered, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Prime Minister Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir", said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy" - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."- Winston Churchill, in response.


"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Comedian Kip Adota

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."- Groucho Marx


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gdd3
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Saturday, June 26, 2010 - 07:40 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



This didn't take too long!

"There's more chance of me named at full forward for the Bulldogs than me challenging Kevin Rudd"..Julia Gillard...May 2010.





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hershy
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Sunday, June 27, 2010 - 07:10 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Heard the end of an interview on radio 3Triple J - not a station a man of my years should be listening to but there you go !
Don't know who was speaking but the comment that caught my ears was:

Rudd has more "left the building" that Elvis !


That, about two weeks before his Ruddimentary" demise.

Hehe........


"Getting angry is like taking a small dose of slow-acting poison,"
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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hershy
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Wednesday, June 30, 2010 - 01:20 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Now that Julia has moved into the Lodge, will it be referred to as the G spot ?


"Getting angry is like taking a small dose of slow-acting poison,"
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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gdd3
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Wednesday, July 14, 2010 - 06:30 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



ALWAYS UNROLL THE WHOLE NEWSPAPER BEFORE READING THE HEADLINE.......





I was a little shocked when I picked up the rolled newspaper.....











Remember : always unroll the whole newspaper before reading the headline about the new Prime Minister.








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gdd3
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Wednesday, July 14, 2010 - 06:47 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Now I really had a good laugh at this....so I hope some I.C.ers enjoy it as much as I did!....

I LOVE THIS DOCTOR!




Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually.. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain... good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HARRROOOW!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:


Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


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scarrie
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Wednesday, July 14, 2010 - 07:44 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Absolute cracker. No point being the best looking corpse in the cemetery.


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gdd3
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Sunday, July 25, 2010 - 01:20 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Irishman takes his goldfish to the vet, says its got epilepsy.



The vet says “It looks fine to me.”



Paddy says “ I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet!”



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gdd3
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Tuesday, July 27, 2010 - 11:27 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'

The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'

The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'

The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?

The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half ..

The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.





The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'

Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,













'Your house!'



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gdd3
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Thursday, July 29, 2010 - 03:10 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Even me being a West Aussie had a good laugh at this one....


-----------------------------------------------------------
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets
a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts
grinning from ear to ear. Once he disconnects he shouts to the
barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.

The barman starts serving the drinks and the people start to crowd
around keen to know what they are celebrating.

"Well," he announces, "My wife's just produced a typical Queensland
baby boy weighing 25 pounds".
Nobody can believe that any baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but
the Queenslander just shrugs, "That's about average in Queensland.
Like I said, my boy is a typical Queensland boy."

Congratulations showered him from all around and many exclamations
of "STREWTH" were heard. One woman even fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later the Queenslander returns to the bar. The barman
says "You're the father of that typical Queensland baby that weighed
25 pounds at birth aren't you? Everybody's been having bets about
how big he'd be in 2 weeks, we were going to call you. So - how much
does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers: "17 pounds."

The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? He weighed
25 pounds the day he was born!"

The Queensland father takes a l-o-n-g s-l-o-w swig from his Swan Gold
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans onto the bar and proudly
says, "Had him circumcised!"



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whiteowl
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Wednesday, August 11, 2010 - 11:46 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



And with the elections ...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON


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espresso
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Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - 09:58 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.

"What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.

"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.


Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx

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hershy
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Monday, August 30, 2010 - 08:24 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)





I went into Hungry Jacks the other day and, as I was ordering, two Muslim women walked in.
I saw they had the most colourful garments from head-to-toe and I immediately thought to myself........


"The burqas are better at Hungry Jacks".


"Getting angry is like taking a small dose of slow-acting poison,"
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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breaker_1
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Friday, October 08, 2010 - 05:49 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Daughter comes home the other day and says her boyfriends pecker is like a peanut.
Wot small I sez
No salty says she


When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell





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hershy
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Friday, October 08, 2010 - 07:49 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Oh man that izzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Bad !


"It is highly unlikely God's plans for the universe include making you rich."
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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breaker_1
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Friday, October 08, 2010 - 08:16 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Thanks


When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell





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breaker_1
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Sunday, October 10, 2010 - 08:31 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)






When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.

Alexander Graham Bell





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cat_lady
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A cabbie picks up a Nun.







She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.


She asks him why he is staring.


He replies, 'I have a question to ask but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me.. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'


'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1, you have to be single and

2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,

'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would
make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'


The nun says, 'That's OK.

My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.


Without my morning coffee I might as well be a dog

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gdd3
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Wednesday, November 10, 2010 - 04:44 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Now this is no Joke! If you think 'Trading for a Living' can be a bit "sickening" at times with its 'highs and lows' why not try your hand at this "job"?

THIS IS DOWNRIGHT SCARY!!!!!

MADE ME FEEL FAINT LOOKING AT THE MOVIE CLIP.


Check this out for a job if you like heights?

http://www.liveleak.com/e/f2d_1284588370


Off to the bathroom!

Dolphin


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rastus81
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Username: rastus81

Post Number: 32
Registered: 12-2007

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Thursday, November 18, 2010 - 07:31 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



For all the Local Liquidity Providers...

(bad language warning)

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7107529/


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gdd3
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Monday, August 01, 2011 - 10:31 am:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



I guess 2011 hasn't been much of a year to be posting jokes... or is it that our regular poster, Hershy, is simply...well "(still)on his Bike".

Anyway, have a look at this 5/10 joke to start off the 2011 board...well albeit mid-year...

"Brian had been in Police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'

'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.'

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'

'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! ..
I'll be there. Thanks again.'

'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'

'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."




Dolphin
}}


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espresso
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Username: espresso

Post Number: 268
Registered: 10-2009

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Monday, August 01, 2011 - 08:54 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



"Brian had been in Police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the hills in Tasmania as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...'

'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you.'

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'

'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'.

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'

'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! ..
I'll be there. Thanks again.'

'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'

'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.. By the way, what should I wear?'

'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."


http://www.australiancattledogrescue.com/helpus.htm
Australian Cattle Dog Rescue are always looking for caring people to look after rescued dogs in the short term.
Pounds and shelters can only hold them for a very short period before they must be put down if no home is found.
Do you have room to look after a rescued dog until a permanent home can be found for him or her?
Australian Cattle Dogs - Loyal-Fun-Loving & Best Friend

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espresso
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Username: espresso

Post Number: 269
Registered: 10-2009

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Monday, August 01, 2011 - 08:58 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit

[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock. He is approached by JOHN]

John: Morning! Looking for a new car?

Bryan: Nope. New Prime Minister, actually.

John: You’re the third one this morning. Anything in mind?

Bryan: You know....... nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model. Something to get the country from A to B.

John: You mean like a Howard?

Bryan: Yeah....a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no troubles.

John: So.... you used to have one?

Bryan: Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid of him -- biggest mistake I’ve ever made…

John: What happened?

Bryan: Traded him in for a Kevin 07.

John: Big mistake…

Bryan: Lot of people bought it. Good political mileage.

John: How was the Kevin 07?

Bryan: Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was good.

John: Anything else?

Bryan: Not much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a lemon.

John: Didn’t stick around for long did it?

Bryan: Nah – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen again.

John: What was the problem?

Bryan: Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.

John: Whatcha got now?

Bryan: It’s a Gillard-Brown.

John: The hybrid?

Bryan: Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent reverse…

John: Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the one?

Bryan: The Fustercluck model.

John: The only one they made, Bryan. Not the vehicle of choice for the road to recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?

Bryan: Made it worse. Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in all directions and goes nowhere.

John: So that’s why you’re here?

Bryan: That’s right. I’m stuck with a government that's wasteful, expensive, ineffective and past its use by date. I don’t suppose you’ve heard of the “Cash for Clunkers” scheme?

John: Join the queue brother.







http://www.australiancattledogrescue.com/helpus.htm
Australian Cattle Dog Rescue are always looking for caring people to look after rescued dogs in the short term.
Pounds and shelters can only hold them for a very short period before they must be put down if no home is found.
Do you have room to look after a rescued dog until a permanent home can be found for him or her?
Australian Cattle Dogs - Loyal-Fun-Loving & Best Friend

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hershy
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Username: hershy

Post Number: 3266
Registered: 10-2002

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Monday, August 01, 2011 - 09:03 pm:Copy highlighted text to 'New Message' boxEdit Post Delete Post Print Post    View Post/Check IP (Moderator/Admin only) Ban Poster IP (Moderator/Admin only) Move Post (Moderator/Admin Only)



Had a prostate examination today.

Got the thumbs up !


"It is highly unlikely God's plans for the universe include making you rich."
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~hershy/

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